Family Feuds – Talk notes for 29th Jan 2017


Family Feuds

29th Jan 2017

The recorded talk is here until the end of March 2017

 Genesis 4  1-10  Cain and Abel  [hatred and murder]

Genesis 27 5-19    Rebekah, Isaac, Jacob and Esau  [deceit and greed]

2 Samuel 13 1-5; 8-22 Tamar, Amnon and Absalom

Genesis 37 3-10  18-20   Joseph and his brothers   [Jealousy, unfair love, showing off and pride]

Mathew 12  25-30

Romans 12   15-21

 

  • The last few weeks we have looked at how children and adults need to relate to each other and God.

Today we look at what happens when those relationship’s fall apart.

We will look at these questions

  1. How and why do families fall apart?
  2. What happens when we do not work well as a family?
  3. How does are relationship with god fall apart
  4. How do we mend these family feuds?
  5. How do we need to work as a family?

 

As a member of a fractured and feuding family this has been something I have had to think about often.

I know it is not fair, fun or easy to fix. but becoming a Christian has helped me deal with these issues. This is not going to be easy for any of us and I am not saying there are easy answers. This is just how I have come to see the issue.

 

  • How and why do families fall apart?

These things happen because each of us wants to be accepted, desire to be the same as others and treated the same.

We are looking for signs of being loved and only see signs of not being loved. and others being loved more than us.

It breeds discontent, anger, jealousy, greed, addiction, and emotional confusion

 

Genesis 4  1-10  Cain and Abel  [hatred and murder]

Cain wanted to be as accepted as Abel had even though he acted in a different way, he didn’t see that his actions made a difference. Or that he only had to say sorry and ask forgiveness instead he let anger gain control.

 

 

Genesis 27 5-19    Rebekah, Isaac, Jacob and Esau  [deceit and greed]

Jacob with his mothers help wanted to have what his brother had he wanted to be first even though he wasn’t.

 

 

2 Samuel 13 1-5; 8-22 Rape of Tamar by Amnon and Absalom revenge

the actions of one member of a family to another caused hatred between him and another family member.

 

It’s often the fact that family feuds are the result of members of said family not feeling loved as another  or doing things which other members dislike or are wrong

That situation is not dealt with and festers.

It the case of Tamar it festered for two years, David, the king, did nothing and eventually Avsalom killed Amnon.

 

That is not saying that people who something bad should be ignored but that a family has to come together to deal with that situation together rather than taking different sides or taking the law into there own hands like Absalom who could have taken Tamar to the king and asked for justice.

 

 

  • What happens when we do not work well as a family?

we can see in our own families and the world around us

envy, hatred, scheming, jealousy, not talking to each other, not trusting each other and on and on…

 

Jesus said in Mathew 25

A divided kingdom

25 Jesus knew their thoughts and replied, “Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart

 

It all falls apart and sister does not speak to brother or parents.

Patents disown their children, children disown their parents.

People take sides and before long you have half the family not talking to the other half.

 

 

 

  • How does are relationship with god fall apart

If we can not manage to get on with our own family how will we get on with our bigger and more diffusive family of God?

 

In many ways the bible can be seen as the story of a family, the family of God

 

The split of the people of God into north and south after the death of Solomon as they argued over who should inherit ect…

 

We also see this in how Gods family, us, can become divided rather than one under God.

Split apart by silly little things, not living out love and forgivness.

 

God the father and his children.

As we read the bible we see how the children did not respect their father and wanted to do their own thing.

They didn’t trust in His experience and ignored His wisdom and so suffered for it.

 

 

 

  • How do we mend these family feuds?

love and forgiveness – restores families and relationships with God

 

We need to know that we are loved by Jesus just as we are warts and all and we need to accept that others have the same needs and different faults.

 

We need to put “I love …….[my name]  Who …… (add things you think you fail at) as God loves as we are.

Then we need to do the same for others “I love ….[persons name] Who……..[fails at]”

 

Gods love is not dependant on us, its His love, we need to love and forgive the same way.

 

Ephesians 4 26

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

 

Forgiveness is not easy, not for any of us.

 

Christ showed us how costly it can be on the cross.

 

Forgiveness does not mean you approve or except the way you have been treated or the person has acted, its about ….. well forgiving that person and moving on with the relationship in some new way.

 

That is how God does it with us.

 

 

 

  • How do we need to work as a family, both our Christian family and our normal family?

As St Paul writes in our reading from Romans

Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

Try to except others as they are, and do not think you are better than them

17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honourable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.  

Often we can only do What we Can, the rest is up to the other person.

 

19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.

20 Instead,

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.”

21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

We often see, particularly in soaps, that revenge and pay back is the first emotion when someone does something to harm us.

This is not Gods way we are to leave judgment to  Him and the authorities He has put over us.

 

 

 

 

  • So to finish

Love even when you feel you are not being treated well, just as God did in Christ

Forgive when you are wronged, no matter how often, as Jesus said when asked 70×7

Love rather than hate the people who have hurt you as Jesus does.

Forgive and receive back into your family any lost sheep asking for forgiveness, not holding the past against them.   [There are exceptions to this based on your and others safety] Just as God does.

 

 


Genesis 37.3-13, 18-22

Joseph & his brothers

3 Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob had a special gift made for Joseph—a beautiful robe. 4 But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them. They couldn’t say a kind word to him.

5 One night Joseph had a dream, and when he told his brothers about it, they hated him more than ever. 6 “Listen to this dream,” he said. 7 “We were out in the field, tying up bundles of grain. Suddenly my bundle stood up, and your bundles all gathered around and bowed low before mine!”

8 His brothers responded, “So you think you will be our king, do you? Do you actually think you will reign over us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dreams and the way he talked about them.

9 Soon Joseph had another dream, and again he told his brothers about it. “Listen, I have had another dream,” he said. “The sun, moon, and eleven stars bowed low before me!”

10 This time he told the dream to his father as well as to his brothers, but his father scolded him. “What kind of dream is that?” he asked. “Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow to the ground before you?” 11 But while his brothers were jealous of Joseph, his father wondered what the dreams meant.

12 Soon after this, Joseph’s brothers went to pasture their father’s flocks at Shechem. 13 When they had been gone for some time, Jacob said to Joseph, “Your brothers are pasturing the sheep at Shechem. Get ready, and I will send you to them.”

“I’m ready to go,” Joseph replied.

18 When Joseph’s brothers saw him coming, they recognized him in the distance. As he approached, they made plans to kill him. 19 “Here comes the dreamer!” they said. 20 “Come on, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns. We can tell our father, ‘A wild animal has eaten him.’ Then we’ll see what becomes of his dreams!”

21 But when Reuben heard of their scheme, he came to Joseph’s rescue. “Let’s not kill him,” he said. 22 “Why should we shed any blood? Let’s just throw him into this empty cistern here in the wilderness. Then he’ll die without our laying a hand on him.” Reuben was secretly planning to rescue Joseph and return him to his father.

 

Romans 12.15-21

Living at peace

St Paul writes. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honourable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.

20 Instead,

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.”

21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

 

Matthew 12.25-30

A divided kingdom

25 Jesus knew their thoughts and replied, “Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart. 26 And if Satan is casting out Satan, he is divided and fighting against himself. His own kingdom will not survive. 27 And if I am empowered by Satan, what about your own exorcists? They cast out demons, too, so they will condemn you for what you have said. 28 But if I am casting out demons by the Spirit of God, then the Kingdom of God has arrived among you. 29 For who is

powerful enough to enter the house of a strong man and plunder his goods? Only someone even stronger—someone who could tie him up and then plunder his house.

30 “Anyone who isn’t with me opposes me, and anyone who isn’t working with me is actually working against me.

 

 

 

Drama of reading by Chris Brann

Action –

Children wearing rags and bags playing together

– bin bags, princess dress (high heels)

Action –

Special Young One given a wonderful set of new clothes to wear by parent and spoiled rotten.

[parent gives nice things; spends more time with; listens to etc. while others get little time and are sent out to work]

Questions to

Special – Is it nice that you have such lovely clothes?

Others – How do you feel about one of you being treated better than you were?

Action –

Special – Then lords it over the Others saying that he will be in charge of them all one day.

Questions to

Others – How do you feel about this?

Is it nice that not only is he better dressed and loved by your parents

he also shows off and says one day he will be lording it over you?

What would you like to do to him/her?

Well this happened in our story today as you will hear now.

 Reading of Genesis 37 3-10  18-20   Joseph and his brothers  

Would you like to act it out as its read?

 

 

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