Like an unkempt garden
I am like driftwood; come and take a look. I’m not smooth or even polished; I’m knotty and splintery. I have scars and marks and I am blemished.
Or I’m like an unkempt garden. I’ve let my weeds grow over. Yes there are flowers but there are also thorns, stingers and deep rooted troublemakers.
Sometimes I am so aware of my imperfections that I can barely look at myself. I see the ugliness and mess, and I remember the stories, the origins of my pain, the points where the snowball started to tumble and grow and life took new shapes: life changed.
I see my current state and I wonder. I hope. I pray. Can this be rectified? Can life be restored? Is it all my own doing?
My regrets are bitter and my memories haunting. I see my mistakes play out over and over. I run my fingers over the deep grooves, or gnarled twists. I tug at weeds and push away dead leaves, only to watch them return. Things turned out differently to how I thought. My life reveals unexpected consequences.
Lord God, can you stop this cycle? Can you give me peace? Each time I relearn the pain of my past I learn of your grace once more, too. Heal this sin; make me clean. Weed me, unearthing my transgressions. Sand me down and make me worthy for use again. You will do it, won’t you?
Becca Dean for WordLive http://www.wordlive.org.uk © Scripture Union 2012
This meditation just gets me, it just is a picture of how I feel so often. I know that I have things in my life that are not good or right, and although I try to deal with them they just keep coming back like persistent weeds. I know God knows this and I know that He is working on them, but some times it feels like He has given up and left me to it. Father please continue to help me weed and plant, so that I can continue to become more like Jesus.